Adventure #23-- Contemplating the Trophy Wife

Let me get this out there: I love women. I love being friends with women, I loved being in a sorority, and, so far, I love being in the Junior League. I am extremely suspicious of people who say they are only friends with guys because women are so [catty, bitchy, shallow]. What the hell kind of women do you know? I know the ones that have been with me for years. The friend who let me sleep on her futon when I had a room-mate crisis, the one who fed me milk and cookies and let me cry after breaking up with a boyfriend, the multiple ones who have spent hours talking through life plans and changes as we dated, married, went back to school, got jobs, bought houses, etc., the one who unpacked all the boxes of dishes and organized my kitchen, the one who will go to the sonic and eat chili cheese tots with me with no guilt or shame. These examples are just a handful of the wonderful transformative experiences and friendships I have had with women.

So, today, I was knocking around the old inter-webs, and came across this series of pictures:

Holy shit.

This is from a blog of a young pretty blonde woman who is a tri-delt at a southern college. She painted this cooler for her boyfriend for a fraternity weekend they're going to together. If I'm being honest, my first thought was to roll my eyes. My second thought was "thank God we didn't have to do that at Sewanee", but that's neither here nor there.

I go to yoga class at this studio in town across from the super trendy organic grocery store. The classes are filled with what I might call "trophy wives". Thin, beautiful, lots of pretty hair, and the time and money to go to these classes. All decked out in lululemon, of course. When I am busy judging and labeling people, I conveniently leave out of the equation that I too am thin, reasonably attractive, working on having pretty hair (any day now, y'all), and also have the time and money to go to these classes.

Is there any better way to devalue a woman than to dismissively call her a sorority girl or a trophy wife? Am I really saying anything other than "I don't know you at all, but I'm going to call you vain, shallow, and say you contribute nothing to society other than your ornamental beauty"? Really? Is that my place? For the love of Pete, I call people "sorority girl" and I WAS a sorority girl. What is wrong with me? Those women are someone's friend, and they could be my friend. Those women are the friend who let someone sleep on their futon. They are they friend who have gone through life stages with someone.

Just because someone is beautiful or put together doesn't mean she isn't smart, talented, and hardworking. The girl who made that cooler is, at the very least, artistically gifted, extremely patient, and generous with her time. Based on some other things I see in her blog, she also has a mother who cares very much about her. The women I do yoga with are so strong and so dedicated to their health and mental well-being. What's not to say they aren't also teachers, investment bankers, lawyers, or any other high stress career, for that matter? Or that they're going to yoga because it gives them the peace and strength to care for their children or a dying parent?

Point being, I need to knock off judging people I don't know. Especially people who are what I perceive to be prettier or richer than I am. Appearances can be deceiving, and sometimes the most wonderful surprises in friendship happen when you let your guard down and take someone at face value instead of putting them into a narrow category before you even know who they are.