Adventure #23-- Contemplating the Trophy Wife

Let me get this out there: I love women. I love being friends with women, I loved being in a sorority, and, so far, I love being in the Junior League. I am extremely suspicious of people who say they are only friends with guys because women are so [catty, bitchy, shallow]. What the hell kind of women do you know? I know the ones that have been with me for years. The friend who let me sleep on her futon when I had a room-mate crisis, the one who fed me milk and cookies and let me cry after breaking up with a boyfriend, the multiple ones who have spent hours talking through life plans and changes as we dated, married, went back to school, got jobs, bought houses, etc., the one who unpacked all the boxes of dishes and organized my kitchen, the one who will go to the sonic and eat chili cheese tots with me with no guilt or shame. These examples are just a handful of the wonderful transformative experiences and friendships I have had with women.

So, today, I was knocking around the old inter-webs, and came across this series of pictures:

Holy shit.

This is from a blog of a young pretty blonde woman who is a tri-delt at a southern college. She painted this cooler for her boyfriend for a fraternity weekend they're going to together. If I'm being honest, my first thought was to roll my eyes. My second thought was "thank God we didn't have to do that at Sewanee", but that's neither here nor there.

I go to yoga class at this studio in town across from the super trendy organic grocery store. The classes are filled with what I might call "trophy wives". Thin, beautiful, lots of pretty hair, and the time and money to go to these classes. All decked out in lululemon, of course. When I am busy judging and labeling people, I conveniently leave out of the equation that I too am thin, reasonably attractive, working on having pretty hair (any day now, y'all), and also have the time and money to go to these classes.

Is there any better way to devalue a woman than to dismissively call her a sorority girl or a trophy wife? Am I really saying anything other than "I don't know you at all, but I'm going to call you vain, shallow, and say you contribute nothing to society other than your ornamental beauty"? Really? Is that my place? For the love of Pete, I call people "sorority girl" and I WAS a sorority girl. What is wrong with me? Those women are someone's friend, and they could be my friend. Those women are the friend who let someone sleep on their futon. They are they friend who have gone through life stages with someone.

Just because someone is beautiful or put together doesn't mean she isn't smart, talented, and hardworking. The girl who made that cooler is, at the very least, artistically gifted, extremely patient, and generous with her time. Based on some other things I see in her blog, she also has a mother who cares very much about her. The women I do yoga with are so strong and so dedicated to their health and mental well-being. What's not to say they aren't also teachers, investment bankers, lawyers, or any other high stress career, for that matter? Or that they're going to yoga because it gives them the peace and strength to care for their children or a dying parent?

Point being, I need to knock off judging people I don't know. Especially people who are what I perceive to be prettier or richer than I am. Appearances can be deceiving, and sometimes the most wonderful surprises in friendship happen when you let your guard down and take someone at face value instead of putting them into a narrow category before you even know who they are.

Adventure #22-- The Rules

I think we each have a set of internal rules that, if we obey them, make us happier. For your reading pleasure, I have underlined the ones that apply to me, because, let's face it, I'm fascinating and you want to know aaaaalllll about me.

Anywaho, for some people (me), those rules are things like "If I don't have quiet time to myself at least once a day, I will freak out and stab someone in the neck." For other people they are things like "if I don't listen to music I don't work or study as well" or

Magnificent culinary achievement. Nothin' wrong with cheese.

"Full-fat cheese is the enemy" (pish tosh!)... I've been thinking about my own set of rules lately, and have come to an important conclusion:

One of the greatest rules of yours truly is.... DRUMROLL PLEASE....

If I don't do a chore at night, I'm definitely not going to get it done in the morning. 

I do this crap constantly, where I say "I'll do it in the morning." Do I EVER do it in the morning? NO! In the morning, I do things like transfer myself from my bed to the guest bed, play on the internet for way too long, then scramble around like an insane wildebeest, fling myself into and out of the shower, and run out the door headlong, iced coffee in hand.

Does the litter box need to be cleaned, Sarah? Do it before you go to bed.
Does the laundry need to be put in the dryer? Do it before you go to bed.
Does the cold brewed coffee need to be strained into the pitcher? Do it before you go to bed.

Mmmmm.... 

Do the financial statements for that board meeting need to be prepared? For the love of god, do it before you go to bed.

I have never regretted getting something done the night before.

I always regret not having done it earlier when I'm in the mad rush to get out the door the next day.

...

A somewhat related and extremely annoying other life rule of mine is:

The only way to feel better is to do what is hanging over your head.

In life, in work, or at home, this is true for me. When I'm stressed, it is almost 100% of the time because I am procrastinating with something that is either unpleasant or difficult or both. The giant heap of folded laundry that will take less than 5 minutes to put into the drawer. The work project that is 95% complete except for one stupid question you can't bring yourself to ask. The tedious mind-numbing task. The check you keep forgetting to write. Just do it and get it over with. Really, really, Sarah, you will feel better.

And finally:

It's a lot easier to avoid temptation in the store than in your house.

This is why I have banned myself from buying the following items except for special occasions:

• Doritos
• Candy
• Wine (I know, right? I can be trusted with beer or liquor, but not wine. Weird.)
• Double stuff oreos

If any of these items are in my house, I will make less than ideal choices.

Those are the rules of my life.

I also have one single rule for my house that I will include just in case any of you come to a party at chez moi:

If you have to throw up, do it outside.

Fin.