Adventure #13 -- In which I outline the things I think are abominations

Abomination. It's a good word. It has a strong religious "hellfire & damnation" subtext that I appreciate greatly.

I enjoy declaring that various things are abominations. Here, in no particular order are the five abominations I could think of off the top of my head after accidentally drinking a rather strong gin & tonic.

1. Extremely cheap gin

So, there was a point last year where I was simultaneously kinda broke and also having people over a lot. First of all, let me say that I am by no means a Bombay Sapphire kind of girl. I actually think it tastes too much like vodka. I also do not like Hendrick's. Too cucumbery. I want my gin to taste like gin. I usually go for regular Bombay which is probably about $30 a handle. (Gotta buy handles, it's much more economical!)... Anyway. I was in the booze store, and I saw New Amsterdam. Which was about $20 an handle. I cheaped out. NEVER cheap out in the gin aisle. Especially if you are buying in bulk. New Amsterdam gin tastes like orange dreamsicles. Maybe it's acceptable after you've had several other cocktails, or if you need liquor to wash down an actual orange dreamsicle, but as far as I'm concerned, it is an abomination. Anything cheaper than New Amsterdam is also likely an abomination. An undrunk section of that handle is still in my house, though several handles of bombay have come and gone (into my liver) since.

2. Truck balls

Abomination. 

3. Sweet white wine

EEWWWWW. If you want (alcoholic) kool-ade, just drink it. Go to sonic, drink a quarter of your cherry limeade or purple slushy thing and replace it with vodka. You're an adult now and can do what you want. (Unless you are a child, in which case, put down the bottle, get back to studying, and kindly remove yourself from my lawn). Sweet white wine? Abomination. Cheap champagne (other than korbel, which is an abomination), is acceptable.


4. Low-fat cheese and other fake food-like objects

I mean, really? Because that springy squeaky chemical-laden texture somehow indicates that this product is more healthy than actual cheese? I seriously doubt it. If you want to eat cheese and not gain weight, here's a secret: DONT EAT THE ENTIRE WHEEL. You'll be fine. Really. This also goes for artificial sweeteners, low carb carbs, and fake meat including, but not limited to, turkey bacon. How is pumping a food full of artificial chemicals, sweeteners, etc. (in an attempt to make it something other than what it is) going to make it anything other than an abomination? I don't know.

5. Liquid silver polish

I don't really know why this was invented, considering how completely useless it is. It is so thin and awful. The paste-like polish is the only one worthwhile. Plus it comes in the tub with the sponge, which is also much more functional than whatever rag you use to apply the liquid. Liquid silver polish= abomination.