Adventure #8-- Decorating the porch

I was wandering around pinterest the other day, like ya do, and came across this photo of a porch:

If you know anything about me, you will know that I am not particularly creative. I recognize things I like, but if you were waiting for me to come up with a porch design like this, you'd be waiting a long damn time. This porch belongs to a designer named Melinda Jennings, who writes a blog about pretty things she is doing to her house. I want this porch for my very own.

Boys and girls, our porch currently looks like gaping butt. It's a good sized screened-in back porch that I like very much, but the people who put the porch on our house cheaped out. There are several problems with the porch, including but not limited to:

1. The builder did not use pressure treated lumber, so the boards holding up the screen are warped.
2. The untreated lumber was primed but not painted, and is not doing so well in places. I painted a lot of it before it got too cold outside to paint, but in some places the damage is already done.
3. They didn't put a ceiling on. Yeah, there's a roof, but not a ceiling. I'm thinking bead board. Someday.
4. They used an interior fan, not one that is made to go outside-- so now it is rusty, falling apart, and broken. Classy.
5. The screen door that goes from the porch out to the deck is literally falling apart.

As far as porch furniture goes, we have two wicker chairs, two wicker ottomans/tables, and one wicker love-seat.

So... basically blank slate. I'm going to start by painting the furniture black.

Then... get cushions, an outdoor rug, a large urn-shaped planter, plants, and accessories. I've been eying  these cushions on overstock. com:

Not exactly the same as the picture, but similar concept.

Since I don't have a spare $500 lying around just begging to be spent on porch accessories, I'm thinking the porch decorating process will be an ongoing one. Right now I'm working on something small that will go out there...

Bee needlepoint. Beedlepoint? 

This will be a little pillow someday. I haven't needlepointed in ages, but I did all of this yesterday. Needlepointing is so soothing. The background is going to be a variety of greens, and the bees will be pale yellow, dark teal, and coral. I'll put up a pic once it's done.

Adventure #7-- Signing up for Flylady

She's apparently really into fly fishing. The things one learns...

Today I signed up for flylady. If you don't know about flylady, it's a daily email newsletter about little 15 minute projects you can do each day to keep your house de-cluttered and clean. I'm pretty sure doing flylady projects is going to be one of my new years resolutions. I'm going to try to do the projects over the next couple of weeks and then make my resolution decision.

I used to think that clutter, messiness, and dirty houses were the work of the devil. I also used to dust my baseboards every week. Several years ago I bought two large housekeeping books and read them cover to cover out of pleasure. I judged people who lived in gross, dirty, messy houses.

Then, just like so many things in my life, it all went out the window when I started studying for the CPA exam. In fact, JJ and I got into a bit of an argument over it a couple months ago, which we resolved by each getting a room in the house that we "owned"... his is the office, which is so perfectly neat and clean that you can see the tracks in the carpet from where he has vacuumed it. I am not allowed to mess up the office in any way.

Artist's representation of JJ's room. Except the pen cup and other
 items on the desk represent inappropriate levels of clutter. 

My room is the guest bedroom (aka "CPA studying central/ filth hovel") and, during the time I studied, was usually a disgusting heap of clothes that needed to be hung up, dirty dishes, test prep materials, papers, notebooks, and blankets. The rest of the house stayed fairly neat. Any clutter or mess I produced elsewhere came home to roost in my filth hovel at the end of the day. I cleaned the filth hovel once every week or two, though I was pretty good about bringing dirty dishes to the dishwasher on a daily basis. No matter what my filth hovel looked like, JJ was not allowed to fuss at me about it in any way.

Artist's representation of my filth hovel. JJ is the irritable looking bear on the left.

Well, the days of the filth hovel are limited.

The more time goes by since I passed the CPA exam, the more I feel like my old highly tidy and neurotic self again. Today I put everything in the house (including in my filth hovel) away, even though we aren't having guests. I might even dust the baseboards later.

The impetus to sign up for flylady came as I was reading this article on lifehacker about how to clean your house in 15 minutes or less. It's not *actually* cleaning, obviously, just decluttering and wiping down surfaces. The responses exploded with "that's not possible!" "oh yeah, maybe 15 minutes per room!" and all kinds of nay-saying. I was pretty shocked, because I honestly think I could "clean" my house in 15 minutes these days, if only I had motivation and direction. So flylady it is.

Adventure #6-- Pajama day

Sloth: the cutest of all the deadly sins.

Today I did almost nothing. I slept until 10 a.m. I got out of bed and migrated to the couch to check facebook. I ate a toaster waffle. Some time later I ate leftover pasta. I snuggled with the kitties. I worked on the stocking I'm making for my niece for a little while. I ate some candy. I stalked the internet more. I remained in my pajamas. JJ woke up and we hung out for a while.

Around 6 p.m. I finally took a shower. Then I painted my nails. I went to choir an hour later. I have returned home from choir, reattached my ass-end to the couch and am now tossing back a glass of wine. The only useful things I've done today around the house are one load of laundry, unloading the dishwasher, and making the bed. However, I count today to be an epic success, though perhaps in a peculiar way.

Story time: When JJ and I first moved to town, I didn't have a job for several weeks. I joked that I was a trophy wife (which, if you know me at all, is slightly absurd) and that I was going to swan around town doing trophy wife things. Yeah, that ended when I basically had a complete meltdown because I hated having so much free time. At that point in my life, about a year and a half ago, I spent all that free time becoming neurotic and anxious rather than enjoying myself. So I got a part-time job, took four classes, got crazy involved with a ton of stuff, and had zero free time. Then I finished school, studied for and took the CPA exam and got a second job. I have never enjoyed free time or "relaxing" and in the past found it to be annoying at best.

Fast forward to last month... I quit one of my jobs (the "regular" one) the week before Thanksgiving in anticipation of having to restudy for a section of the CPA exam before I started my new job in January. Turns out I passed that section of the CPA exam (and the next one!), so I'm now on a six week pseudo vacation. I work a day or two a week at my remaining job, and have the rest of the week to myself. JJ is working crazy pre-Christmas hours, so I barely see him. When I found out that I passed the section of the CPA exam that I presumed I had failed, I actually got worried about having all that free time.

I don't know what is so different between the "today" me and the "year and a half ago" me, but instead of finding this free time stressful and neurosis-amplifying, I am enjoying the daylights out of it. Possibly because I know my time off will end soon and will be followed by working at a job with extremely long hours? I don't know, but I thought I'd write about today because although on the outside it was nothing remarkable to you or to me or to my life, it has been a very good day on the first vacation during which I've actually been able to relax in my whole life. I'm enjoying it immensely.

Adventure #5-- Put a Bird on It

Women in my family make things. My sister has the Christmas tree skirt my great grandmother made. I'm resting my feet on a footstool that my grandmother needlepointed. My mother was in a crafts-of-the-month club in the 70s/early 80s (who knew those existed?), and growing up, our house was filled with wooden boxes she painted or decoupaged,  our Christmas tree with ornament she sewed. She can re-cane chairs, sew doll clothes, needle-point, and cross stitch, and do all kinds of other crafty things.

I'm not really artsy or craftsy. I don't have the patience or the desire to be, for the most part. Yet year after year, as I previously mentioned, I get involved in overblown Christmas crafts projects. (I also like to needlepoint. But that's different. It's the color-by-numbers of crafts.)

Well, this year is probably going to be no different. I have an overblown project that I won't post about until after Christmas, since I don't want to ruin the surprise.

However. I decided to make something for myself, and for posterity (ha!)....

The super cute felt bird ornament kit I ordered from amazon for 10 bucks. 

What the finished product is supposed to resemble.

Birdie Numero Uno in real life!

I decided to start with the red bird. It looked easiest to complete. Two wings and an ear muff arrangement. A beak. I haven't really sewn anything since I had a random burst of craftiness in the 8th grade or so. I had to relearn some stitches, and had to FINALLY teach myself how to do that damned French knot. It's actually not that difficult once you get the hang of it.

"My, what nice French knots you have, my dear!"
"If you love the wings, you should check out the earmuff!"

So, I have finished red bird. It took a while. 45 minutes? An experienced sewer/crafter could probably get an ornament like this done in 15-20 minutes. This same company has a ton of other similar skill level ornament kits that I might order. We'll see if I'm still gung-ho after I finish the other birds. It is highly unlikely, but I'm enjoying this project while it lasts. Maybe I'll save the other kits for other years.

Adventure #4-- Domesticity

As y'all know, I'm on a break from studying for the CPA exam. I am waiting for the score on my last section. Whether or not I passed it, I at least have a few weeks off to get stuff done around the house before I start my new job in January.

Not all my adventures are flashy. Today, for instance, was just a day of doing chores at home.  Today I did two big things: I polished silver and I made a chicken pot pie.

Middle= polished. Other two= tarnished. 

I have my grandmother's tea set. It lives on a tray in my kitchen. I polish it a couple times a year. I always notice it getting tarnished, but it's not a big flashing obvious level of tarnish unless you compare it with a polished piece. I always polish the set during Christmas vacation, so the act of polishing it makes me feel like Christmas is imminent. When my sister and I were kids, we used to polish our mother's silver for extra money to spend on our american girl dolls. Good times. I love polishing silver. It's instant gratification in a world where instant gratification is so rare.

My other job for the day was to make a pot pie.

What a pretty under-layer you have, my dear.

NOM NOM NOM NOM

I'm getting better at making the pretty edge on pie crusts. 

Since I've finished these two tasks, and celebrated them by eating a slice of chicken pie the size of my head, I've mainly been sitting in bed, playing on the internet, and snuggling with the kitties. Peep is politely sleeping on my freezing cold feet. He's good for that.

I'm not really sure what I'm going to do for the rest of the week. I know I need to keep myself busy, or I'll get all weird and nervous. No one wants that.

Back in the day, before I went back to school or started studying for the CPA exam, I used to do slightly ridiculous Christmas projects to give out as presents. In college, I made decoupage boxes one year, 13 dozen peanut butter cookies another year (this was 10 years ago and only recently have I been able to eat peanut butter cookies without becoming nauseated), slippers with sequin monograms another year, etc. One year I made peppermint bark for 30 people. Some of my projects have been complete failures too-- the overly-soft bon bon debacle of 2010 comes to mind.

I think I've come up with a plan for what I'm going to do this year if, in fact, I do anything. I'm feeling a trip to Michael's. We'll see what happens, and I'll keep you posted.

Adventure #2-- Cuban Food and South African Music

Last night I went to the ATL with David. We were going to see the South African rap-rave group, Die Antwoord. I don't know how famous Die Antwoord is in South Africa, but they sold out in Atlanta. This is my favorite of their songs:

Before the concert, we went to dinner. There are lots of food options in Chattanooga, but nothing like the amazing ethnic options there are in Atlanta. We ended up going to this awesome Cuban restaurant  called Papi's. It was founded by a Cuban family that escaped Cuba in 1990. Just like many of the best restaurants I've been to, it looked a little dodgy from the outside. I got this insanely good cubed pork thing that came with a giant pile of extremely flavorful black beans and rice, and plantain cakes.  I'm not a big plantain fan, but apparently there are two kinds of plantains-- sweet and non-sweet. I've only ever had the sweet kind, that taste kinda like bananas. Not a fan. But the plantain cakes last night were made out of non-sweet plantains. They taste a lot like potatoes, and if you know me, you know I've never met a potato I didn't like (except au gratin. Those are an abomination). We got mojitos to go along with dinner, and those were also really good. At so many places, when you order something involving lime, it tastes like some nasty syrup that came out of a plastic bucket somewhere. The mojitos at Papi's were really good though. They were not stingy with the rum, and the lime juice tasted freshly squeezed.

Die Antwoord were awesome too. Their shows are pretty short, and we missed the first couple of songs, but what we heard was amazing. There was such a high level of energy in the room, and I got to hear them perform Baby's on Fire, so I was happy.

Adventure #1-- The Duck Boat

On Saturday, I did some local tourism. I've always loved the idea of local tourism. It is so neat to see what there is to do nearby. I got three groupons for the duck boat this past summer. My mom and sister were in town, and I was trying to think of fun things to do. Unfortunately, the week they were here it was hotter than the hinge of hell-- over 100º the whole week. And my sister was 7 months pregnant, and in no mood to be traipsing around in the boiling hot sun. So, I didn't use the duck boat groupons. But then, this weekend, merely 4 days before expiring, the duck boat groupons lived out their purpose.

Sunny's man-friend was in town, so we decided to ride the duck boat. 

"What is the duck boat?" you might be wondering. It's an amphibious vehicle used in WWII. So we drove to the Tennessee river, then launched into the river (at high speed). It was so freaking fun. The tour guide was hilarious, and I learned all kinds of interesting trivia about Chattanooga, the riverfront, the bridges, the little island in the river, etc. 

For instance:

• The market st. bridge opens in the middle. It was paid for in equal thirds by Georgia, Tennessee, and Mississippi, because this MS congressman thought that the south would rise again, and he wanted a bridge that could open to permit the giant confederate battle ships through. (This was not in 1882 or something. No, no, this was in the 1920s.)
• The fountain next to the aquarium has seven jets of water representing seven indian tribes.
• The waterfall fountain next to the aquarium is a trail of tears memorial
• The broken down nasty looking situation across from the aquarium used to be a floating restaurant. But the guy who owned it tied the ropes between it and the land too tight, so when the river flooded, the restaurant kinda sank a little. 
• A duckboat can head down a steep ramp into the river really fast.
• The number markings on the bridge supports are boat clearance markings, not water depth markings.
• The island in the river used to be a dairy farm. That all ended when a flood carried off all the cows. It was made into a dairy farm in the first place because the stuck up old rich lady who lived on the bluff hated listening to the kids who would go out to the island to engage in scandalous activities such as drinking, smooching, and skinny dipping. 
• Chattanooga was a crime filled cesspool until the aquarium was opened in 1992 and started bringing in tourism. Now only certain parts of the city are crime filled cesspools. Work in progress.
• The delta queen has a good bar on it. We should go as our next act of local tourism.
• I don't remember anything else, but I know I learned a lot more. 

Here are some fun pictures (taken by Chris and Sunny) from the duck boat:

Like two duck boats that pass in the night.
This was a duck boat we passed on our way back.

The Market St. Bridge. Whole new appreciation.
Can you imagine what it'd look like open?

Right after launch. We were really excited.

Before we boarded. No idea of the joy to come.

Overall adventure rating: 5 stars. Usually tickets cost $20, which I personally think is really steep. I'm also ridiculously cheap. Groupon tickets were $10 each, and for an hour and a half of pure awesome fun, they were so worth it. 

A bloggy statement of purpose

I have pretty much always blogged, since blogging was a thing. First there was xanga, where I just talked about what was going on in my life. Then three successive blogspot blogs-- one where I complained about things that pissed me off, one about ways I was trying to improve my life, and one about working on passing the CPA exam. 

I came across this quote somewhere in the middle (I hope!) of my CPA exam journey, and it really spoke to me:

"For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way." - Alfred d'Souza

With my last two blogs I have been so focused on the future. What can I do in the future, how will my future look, what am I doing today to make the future better, how can I overcome [obstacle du jour] so that I can [goal du jour], blah blah blah. 

With this blog, I want to focus on today, because today is real life, even more than tomorrow is.